Here’s the Scoop

Working Box Office is not a really enjoyable job. In fact, it’s kind of boring, cramped, and really, really repetitive. I am only here to tell you what movies are playing, what they are about (although there’s something called a phone and google), and then sell you the ticket. Occasionally, I’ll refund the ticket, send you to a different movie, or apologize about a bad experience. I can’t stand when people put their hands through what they thought was glass. I’m standing right there, for goodness sake. I always have to backup and answer with an awkward smile as they revel in the wonder that there isn’t glass between us. Get over it. It’s been gone for years.

And I’m sure that most people don’t know but your smell is ten times stronger at box office. You didn’t take a shower yesterday? I can smell it. You just smoked something outside? I feel like I have asthma. You wanted to try out that new perfume? Guess what? It stinks. Don’t wear it again. It makes you smell like my grandmother. (Which is a nice smell, just not for someone who’s in their 20’s).

I can’t stand it when you scream at me for prices, the weather, long lines, or any of your other problems unless I specifically messed things up for you. I am not your psychiatrist so I personally don’t care what you have to say. When it comes to your problems, I can not change the prices. I do not own the company. The weather – even the weather man gets it wrong and he gets paid the big bucks for it. Don’t blame me for that. Long lines? I’m working as fast as possible but when every single patron takes a couple minutes to figure out what they want, it’s not my fault. You came late for your movie? That’s not my fault. The line doesn’t go any faster. Next time, buy them online. If I ask you to hold on a moment so that I can ask a manager, it’s not because I don’t like you or don’t know how to do my job. It’s because if I don’t ask for permission, there will be a whole lot of problems later on. That phrase, it’s better to ask forgiveness then permission? It’s sh*t. Don’t ever do that in a workplace, unless you’re the CEO or you’re worth a billion dollars or both.

But all in all, there are a few good things about box. The smiles that I get. The thank-yous. The over all energetic people who don’t mind waiting the extra minute or really just came to have a good time. I’ll give you a smile, laugh with you, make jokes. Even when I’m stressed, I will give you all that I have left.

The very best part by far though is the one-liners. The bits of conversation that you’re privy to as people approach your window. The awkward moment that you catch a sentence out of context. Below are three such situations:

A group of boys no older than 15 approached my window. One of the boys asked another, “Is your radar on?” The boy starts looking around and goes, “I see something,” They all look. I understood what they were looking at. I leaned forward as I handed them their tickets, “Are you really doing that right now?” They stared back at me in horror, knowing full well that I had grasped the situation as well…

Two girls approached the window. One was fumbling with her money before buying the ticket. I handed her the change and the ticket and she walked away shaking her head. “I don’t know anymore. I just want to fall in love.” The girl was 13.

A couple walked up to the counter. The girl, “That was a dumb question.”

The guy, “I know.” Then he sings, “I’m bulletproof.”

The girl stood there, wide-eyed. “You’re so annoying.” Then she looked at me. “See what I have to deal with?” They walked off and he continued singing the song.

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