Dear Movie Goers (During a Fire)

Or basically any customer at any establishment that has a fire drill.

Get the FUCK out.

So what if it’s a fire drill. On the off chance that it’s not, I am not getting burned alive because of your sorry ass.

When the bell rings, get out. I mean it. Get the Fuck Out of the building. Like outside. God forbid it’s an actual fire. Why do you keep asking if you’re going to get a credit or your money back??

I understand that you left your favorite sweater or your iphone (who the hell does that??). But maybe your life is more important. And I know mine is. So don’t ask me to go back into what could possibly be a burning building and retrieve your stuff.

We all have to exit and wait for the Fire Marshalls to come clear the building. No I will not go check to see where the fire is. I’m not going to be the hero or the dumbass in this situation. After that, I’ll be more than happy to take care of you. In the mean time, be patient. We didn’t plan this. And that alarm may have saved your life.

Don’t cuss me out because this happens often. When you’re part of a strip mall with a handful of restaurants, there is only one alarm. That fire could be anywhere. It’s not my fault that the building has a bad architectural design. I got it but that’s not the problem. You are.

So when you ask, ” Will I get-”

I’m going to tell you the same thing I tell everyone else, “Get the fuck out of the building or get the fuck outta my way. I’m not dying for you or anyone else today.” Oo, I should make a Dr. Seuss book…

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