Dear Electricians

Who doesn’t like technology?? Or the advancement of technology? We all continue to deny that we’re slowly creating a world similar to Terminator with our talking gadgets that know our every move. (Was anyone aware that two AI’s created a language to outsmart another AI? Were you aware that we humans are unable to crack that language? Great going, scientists.) Sure, it’s so we can live better lives. But when do we stop trying to make intelligent computers… just cause? Same goes for making dinosaurs… Did anyone watch Jurassic Park 1, 2, or 3? How about Jurassic World????

I think one of the most significant advancements is the automatic light in the bathroom. Such a wonderful way to conserve energy. I walk in, the lights turn on. It’s almost like ‘Welcome Mr/Miss/Mrs to the restroom. Please feel at home.’ Like dude, this is better than at home. I have to turn the lights on by myself.

Granted, automatic light bathrooms are generally cleaner than most public bathrooms… with the exception for gas stations. Does anyone clean those sh*ts?

And then when the bathroom senses no human activity – the lights shut off. Wow. SO COOL. Right? RIGHT??? So F**king Wrong. 

When you’ve got to go #2 – those automatic lights are your worst nightmare. And you don’t realize it until you’ve been in the situation. Because there’s nothing you can do about it. Sitting on the toilet, minding your own, and glad that no one else has to hear. It’s all fine and dandy.

Until the automatic lights decide ‘Hmmm, there hasn’t been any human activity for like 10 minutes, I’ll turn off.” And all you can do is just sit there in the darkness.

You wiggle a little bit. I’m here. Turn the lights back on.

That doesn’t work. You wave your hands. Yo, still in here. Turn the lights on. Pooping in the dark is for weirdos. 

And you forgot your cell phone. So you can’t wipe either. You kinda forgot exactly where the toilet paper is and you’re not going to risk even dirtier hands trying to reach for it.

Now you’re agitated. The lights thought they were smart. They aren’t. Cause you’re still in there. With no way out.

You decide to chance it. You kinda get up, reaching for where you thought the toilet paper was.

And BAM!! The lights are back on. ‘Oh, human movement. That’s great. I’ll turn on again.’

You’re saved. This time. 

Manufacturers, Construction workers, Businesses – Do you know what we need? I don’t want more sophisticated elevators and computers and music players.

No. I f**king want a light switch in the stall. Because there’ll be a day when you’re stuck in that bathroom – lights off – and no way out. 

I don’t poop in the dark. That is for f**king weirdos.

And you’re probably wondering why I care. Or maybe I’m just some innovative genius. Probably just a pissed off customer who noticed something.

You’d be wrong. Both times.

No I was one of those people that got caught pooping in the dark. And let me tell you, it’s scary as sh*t. It’s one of the most vulnerable positions you’ll ever find yourself in.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s